Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
