Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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