How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
