Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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