He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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