Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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