Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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