he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
