I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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