I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
there is glitter all over my balls
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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