Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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