it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
