my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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