Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize