apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
