She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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