I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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