If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
