Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
