he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
