I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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