I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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