No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
