I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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