so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
