As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just forgot I was standing up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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