I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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