You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
