So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
