All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
