I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
