he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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