I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
