Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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