I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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