Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
