Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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