my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
