Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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