Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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