I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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