I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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