Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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