Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
