I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
