Your face is a jimmy john
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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