i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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