Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
