come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
