You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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