People in love make me want to vomit
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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