She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
