your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
