I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
