We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
