I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
