arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
