dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
