U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
