She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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