Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
