Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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