i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
