i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
