I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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