so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
