I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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