how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
