I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
